usual

I lit my cigarette and waited until my fingers became yellow.
I was looking at the horizon, sat on the sidewalk.
Where were you?
I waited for you, for your love. Waited for a comfortable word, for a pleasant hug, a familiar smile. For reliable ears which I can whisper.
But you didn't came, the love neither. No word or hug, or a smile. I never whispered in your ears.
The friendship, that I felt for you, kept me company until the end of the cigarette.
I think that the only thing I met that night was the loneliness.
And I, well, I got up, and plunged again into indifference, as usual.

cold cold look

I was a shy boy, hid behind books, with my headphones.. sat in the same bench at school, in the breaks.
I had friends, of course. A few friends, it's true, but real friends. My school was normal, nothing happens, was a shit! I liked that place just 'cause I was in love with a girl. It wasn't a love like the american movies about school, with an impossible love with a superpop girl.. it wasn't. We were friends. Ok.. Not real friends, but.. you understand... we had talks. She was pretty, not very very very much, but had a peculiar beauty and was intelligent.
I remember one day, the signal of the break played and I went to the patio, to my bench. My friends went to the library, so I was alone. My headphones were playing Smiths and I was reading Jack London. Don't know why I turned my look from the book and looked at her. Only to comfirm her beauty? I don't know, I never used to look to her very much..
I think she looked at me. My friends laughed when I told this to them, but.. I have my doubts. That looking must have been for a boy whose was sat in the sidewalk in front my bench. She told me that he was handsome.
He was stupid. Fucking stupid.
I thought I should say hi to her, but my doubts.. She seemed to be waiting for someone and I didn't want to be a hindrance.
The signal for the classes played, but I lingered look at her, until my friends called me to the class. When I got up, she walked to me to give me a hug and whisper in my ear that she would miss me.
I never saw her again.
That night she wrote in her diary "'cause I feel like nobody loves me" and killed herself.